I have a job interview in two weeks! Yay! It's just for a bank teller position, but it's full time and pays more than I'm making now. It's a step up! Now I just need to go shopping for an interview outfit. That should be fun... My old nice clothes don't fit anymore (and are probably fairly ratty by now), and my uniform of sorts for the last 13-14 years has been jeans, t-shirt, hoodie, and chucks. I'm 25 and still dress like I did when I was in 6th grade. Fashion fail.
Also, drinking vodka and cranberry juice is like getting drunk on Disneyland. I still need to go to a really seedy dive and ask the bartender, "Can you surprise me with something that tastes like candy and Disneyland?" I'll probably end up with a Midori Sour...
Sep 29, 2009
Sep 27, 2009
Damn it!
I really need to get used to actually owning a camera again. Every single time I go somewhere with the intention of taking pictures, I forget my damned camera. Since my last camera got stolen, I've gotten so used to not having one that I forget about it until I go to take a picture of something. Then I go "Oh, hey! I have a camera! Pictures! Yay! Oh... I left it at home. *sigh*"
J and I went to the VA State Fair yesterday. It sprinkled the whole time, but we left right before the major rain hit. We happened to be there the same day as the big Alpaca Farm Day thing was going on, so we saw tons of alpacas. I loved it! I kind of wanted to rub my face on one of the alpaca's neck, but I restrained myself. Those things have some major teeth... We also met a super nice alpaca owner who does little workshop type things for the new alpaca owners that he sells animals to. Health, shearing, handling, fencing and barn construction, etc. He's going in my book for future alpaca reference. I will have alpacas some day.
We also saw tons of goats, only two sheep, a funny pig who would oink every time someone touched him, bebbeh piglets, cows (one of which totally wanted to be my friend. She'd lean against the enclosure and let my scratch her side, but as soon as I stopped she'd turn around, glare at me, and moo until I started scratching her again)... Typical fair animals. Oh! We also saw four oxen. I'd never seen one up close. We didn't pet them because there was a gaggle of kids in the area, but it was cool to see them. What else did we see... Typical fair stuff, really. I wasn't impressed with much of the knitting on display, and was supremely annoyed by one person in particular who would shove her way inbetween me and the case I was looking at instead of patiently waiting until I moved (I can only stay in once place for about 5 seconds at a time, so she wouldn't have had to wait for long). J almost flipped out on some idiots who pushed in front of us at the tram stop when we were leaving. His leg was killing him and we had been waiting on a tram for about 20 minutes by then.
Fun times and no pictures, but that's ok. I'm done with the fair for the year. Maybe next year I'll enter some of my knitting just to see what happens.
J and I went to the VA State Fair yesterday. It sprinkled the whole time, but we left right before the major rain hit. We happened to be there the same day as the big Alpaca Farm Day thing was going on, so we saw tons of alpacas. I loved it! I kind of wanted to rub my face on one of the alpaca's neck, but I restrained myself. Those things have some major teeth... We also met a super nice alpaca owner who does little workshop type things for the new alpaca owners that he sells animals to. Health, shearing, handling, fencing and barn construction, etc. He's going in my book for future alpaca reference. I will have alpacas some day.
We also saw tons of goats, only two sheep, a funny pig who would oink every time someone touched him, bebbeh piglets, cows (one of which totally wanted to be my friend. She'd lean against the enclosure and let my scratch her side, but as soon as I stopped she'd turn around, glare at me, and moo until I started scratching her again)... Typical fair animals. Oh! We also saw four oxen. I'd never seen one up close. We didn't pet them because there was a gaggle of kids in the area, but it was cool to see them. What else did we see... Typical fair stuff, really. I wasn't impressed with much of the knitting on display, and was supremely annoyed by one person in particular who would shove her way inbetween me and the case I was looking at instead of patiently waiting until I moved (I can only stay in once place for about 5 seconds at a time, so she wouldn't have had to wait for long). J almost flipped out on some idiots who pushed in front of us at the tram stop when we were leaving. His leg was killing him and we had been waiting on a tram for about 20 minutes by then.
Fun times and no pictures, but that's ok. I'm done with the fair for the year. Maybe next year I'll enter some of my knitting just to see what happens.
Sep 19, 2009
Soap and Yarn and Soylent Green
This has been such an incredibly long week. Between being sick and some miscellaneous bad news, it's just been awful. Plus, it's always fun to get home from work, blow your nose, and find BLACK boogers from all of the dust and people flakes floating around your work place. Makes you not want to shop at a retail pharmacy, huh? CVS DUST IS PEOPLE!!
But I don't feel like complaining and whining about that. Surprising, huh? No, what I'm really blogging about today is soap. I want to share this hand soap. This is the coolest soap I have ever seen in my life. I want to get it for my mother for Christmas. I would also LOVE to get her a skein of Vitreous Humor yarn, but it is way too expensive for this year. *sigh* Maybe next year...
But I don't feel like complaining and whining about that. Surprising, huh? No, what I'm really blogging about today is soap. I want to share this hand soap. This is the coolest soap I have ever seen in my life. I want to get it for my mother for Christmas. I would also LOVE to get her a skein of Vitreous Humor yarn, but it is way too expensive for this year. *sigh* Maybe next year...
Sep 4, 2009
Answers to Stupid Questions
I answer a lot of really stupid questions every single shift. I've worked retail for many years, and the stupidity still shocks me. It eats my soul and makes me question the intelligence of humans. I have decided to put together a little Q&A so you know which stupid questions you shouldn't your underemployed cashier.
Q: Are you open?
A: No. We enjoy unlocking the doors so the local wildlife can have a chance to roam indoors.
Q: Which register is open?
A #1: The only one in the store that does NOT have a 'closed' sign on it.
A #2: The one I'm standing at.
Q: Do you work here?
A: Fuck no. I get off on wearing a white lab coat and pretending to work here.
Q: How much is this *waves something in the air*?
A: I don't know. What does the tag on the shelf say?
Q: Since the barcode didn't scan, it must be free, huh?
A: No. Can I punch you in the teeth?
Q: Why don't you ever smile?
A #1: They don't pay us enough to smile.
A #2: We are a little known branch of the FBI. The FBI were not issued smiles.
Q: Do you have a store card I can use?
A: Yes, but I'll get fired if I use it. True story. Suck it up and get a damned club card.
Q: Is anyone working here?
A: No. I'm only standing behind the counter at the register because it makes me happy in my pants.
Q: Why don't you carry X product?
A: Because this company hates you and wants to make sure that you are inconvenienced in every way possible.
Q: Why is there a thumb in my pictures?
A: Probably because you're an idiot.
Q: Why are my pictures dark?
A: More than likely because you're not smart enough to turn your camera's flash on.
Q: Why are my pictures so green?
A: Because you took pictures of grass and shrubs. No, I can't make the people you were trying to take a picture of magically appear. We do not live in a Harry Potter book.
Q: Why can't I print my amateur porn pictures here?
A: If they don't pay me enough to smile, do you really think they pay me enough to look at pictures of you bumping uglies with your girl/boy?
Q: I come in here twice a week to buy cigarettes. How come you don't know what kind I always buy?
A: I sell hundreds of packs of cigarettes a week to tens of different people. You are not a speshul snowflayke therefore I cannot remember you.
Q: Can I give you my pictures?
A: No. I will eat your soul if you do.
Q: Do you sell Tylenol here?
A: No. We sell Joker Brand. Smile!
Q: Why don't you sell vodka?
A: Because I drank it all.
Q: *holding up a sign that says "75% off all summer items"* Is the summer stuff 75% off?
A: No. The summer stuff is marked up an additional 75% from the price on the shelf label.
Q: Do you charge for money?
A: Yes. It's a personal rule that I never give money away unless I charge a 500% handling fee.
Q: Are you in school?
A: No.
Q: You seem smart. Why don't you go back to school and get your degree?
A: I have a degree.
Q: I don't mean an associates. Why don't you get a bachelors?
A: I have a bachelors degree. You see how helpful that was.
Q: Do you have change for a $100?
A: Do I look like a bank?
Q: Why are you open on holidays?
A: So assholes like you can buy condoms, duct tape, and baby oil.
Q: I think it's complete crap that you all have to work on a holiday.
A: Yet you are in here buying shit and are therefore the reason we all have to work on holidays. Fuck off.
Q: Oh! You close at 9pm?
A: Yes. GTFO.
Q: Why can't I use your bathroom?
A: We keep the velociraptors chained up in the men's room and the zombies are all in the women's room. The vampires are in the storage closet and the giant man-eating cockroaches live in the breakroom. Are you sure you still want to go back there?
You can't begin to understand how much willpower it takes to not say this stuff on a daily basis.
Q: Are you open?
A: No. We enjoy unlocking the doors so the local wildlife can have a chance to roam indoors.
Q: Which register is open?
A #1: The only one in the store that does NOT have a 'closed' sign on it.
A #2: The one I'm standing at.
Q: Do you work here?
A: Fuck no. I get off on wearing a white lab coat and pretending to work here.
Q: How much is this *waves something in the air*?
A: I don't know. What does the tag on the shelf say?
Q: Since the barcode didn't scan, it must be free, huh?
A: No. Can I punch you in the teeth?
Q: Why don't you ever smile?
A #1: They don't pay us enough to smile.
A #2: We are a little known branch of the FBI. The FBI were not issued smiles.
Q: Do you have a store card I can use?
A: Yes, but I'll get fired if I use it. True story. Suck it up and get a damned club card.
Q: Is anyone working here?
A: No. I'm only standing behind the counter at the register because it makes me happy in my pants.
Q: Why don't you carry X product?
A: Because this company hates you and wants to make sure that you are inconvenienced in every way possible.
Q: Why is there a thumb in my pictures?
A: Probably because you're an idiot.
Q: Why are my pictures dark?
A: More than likely because you're not smart enough to turn your camera's flash on.
Q: Why are my pictures so green?
A: Because you took pictures of grass and shrubs. No, I can't make the people you were trying to take a picture of magically appear. We do not live in a Harry Potter book.
Q: Why can't I print my amateur porn pictures here?
A: If they don't pay me enough to smile, do you really think they pay me enough to look at pictures of you bumping uglies with your girl/boy?
Q: I come in here twice a week to buy cigarettes. How come you don't know what kind I always buy?
A: I sell hundreds of packs of cigarettes a week to tens of different people. You are not a speshul snowflayke therefore I cannot remember you.
Q: Can I give you my pictures?
A: No. I will eat your soul if you do.
Q: Do you sell Tylenol here?
A: No. We sell Joker Brand. Smile!
Q: Why don't you sell vodka?
A: Because I drank it all.
Q: *holding up a sign that says "75% off all summer items"* Is the summer stuff 75% off?
A: No. The summer stuff is marked up an additional 75% from the price on the shelf label.
Q: Do you charge for money?
A: Yes. It's a personal rule that I never give money away unless I charge a 500% handling fee.
Q: Are you in school?
A: No.
Q: You seem smart. Why don't you go back to school and get your degree?
A: I have a degree.
Q: I don't mean an associates. Why don't you get a bachelors?
A: I have a bachelors degree. You see how helpful that was.
Q: Do you have change for a $100?
A: Do I look like a bank?
Q: Why are you open on holidays?
A: So assholes like you can buy condoms, duct tape, and baby oil.
Q: I think it's complete crap that you all have to work on a holiday.
A: Yet you are in here buying shit and are therefore the reason we all have to work on holidays. Fuck off.
Q: Oh! You close at 9pm?
A: Yes. GTFO.
Q: Why can't I use your bathroom?
A: We keep the velociraptors chained up in the men's room and the zombies are all in the women's room. The vampires are in the storage closet and the giant man-eating cockroaches live in the breakroom. Are you sure you still want to go back there?
You can't begin to understand how much willpower it takes to not say this stuff on a daily basis.
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